What if my parents ask me to do something against Islam?

The general principle from the Sunnah is that there is no obedience to any creation in disobedience to the Creator, a statement recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari. This means you should not obey a command that clearly contradicts Islamic teaching, but you must still decline with gentleness and continue to treat them with kindness, support, and respect in every other matter.

Does honouring parents apply if they were absent or harmed me growing up?

Scholars acknowledge this is a genuinely difficult situation and do not require a person to expose themselves to ongoing abuse. However, the general instruction remains to fulfill their basic rights, financial support if needed, respectful speech, and du'a, while setting appropriate boundaries where real harm is involved. Seeking guidance from a knowledgeable local scholar for a specific painful situation is often wise.

Can I still honour a parent who has passed away?

Yes, and the Sunnah gives specific ways to do so: making sincere du'a for them, giving charity on their behalf, maintaining ties with their friends and relatives, and fulfilling any debts or vows they left unresolved. A hadith in Sahih Muslim describes a man asking if there remains any way to honour his parents after their death, and the Prophet listing exactly these actions.

Is kindness to a father weighted the same as kindness to a mother in the hadith?

Both are obligatory, but a well-known narration in Sahih al-Bukhari has the Prophet naming the mother three times before the father when asked who most deserves good companionship, which many scholars take to indicate that a mother's difficulty in pregnancy, birth, and nursing gives her an even greater claim, though the father's right remains firmly established as well.

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Hadith

Hadith About Parents, Honouring Them in Practice

What do the authentic hadith say about honouring parents, and how should that look day to day?

6 min read

The short answer

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, repeatedly placed kindness to parents immediately after worship of Allah and connected it directly to Paradise. These narrations describe both the weight of this duty and concrete ways companions were taught to fulfill it, even toward parents who were harsh or non-Muslim.

Kindness to parents placed beside worship of Allah

A well-known narration reported by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud in Sahih al-Bukhari records that he asked the Prophet which deed is most beloved to Allah. The Prophet answered, prayer at its proper time. Ibn Mas'ud asked what is next, and the Prophet said, kindness to parents. He asked again, and the Prophet said, jihad in the path of Allah. The ordering itself is instructive: kindness to parents is placed second only to Salah, ahead of striving in Allah's cause.

Scholars point out that this ranking is not arbitrary. Parents are the means through which Allah brought a person into existence and nurtured them through complete helplessness, so gratitude to them is treated as inseparable from gratitude to Allah. The Qur'an makes this connection explicit in Surah al-Isra, verse 23, where the command to worship none but Allah is followed immediately by the command to be good to parents.

I asked the Prophet, peace be upon him, which deed is most beloved to Allah. He said, prayer offered at its proper time. I asked, then what? He said, kindness to parents. I asked, then what? He said, jihad in the way of Allah.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5970, Sahih Muslim 85 · Sahih

Paradise beneath the feet of mothers

A narration in Sunan an-Nasa'i and other collections describes a man asking the Prophet's permission to go out for military expedition, and the Prophet asking whether his mother was alive. When told yes, the Prophet said, then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet. This narration is often summarized in the popular phrase that Paradise lies at a mother's feet, and while the wording varies slightly across chains, the meaning is consistently that serving a living mother can outweigh even the reward of going out for the sake of Allah in armed struggle.

This teaches that acts of worship are not measured only by their apparent grandeur. Sitting with an elderly mother, easing her burdens, and attending to her needs can carry more weight in Allah's sight than a deed that looks outwardly more impressive, if the mother's rights are being neglected in the process.

Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.

Sunan an-Nasa'i, cited in al-Adab al-Mufrad and related collections · Hasan

The severity of disrespecting parents

The Prophet listed undutifulness to parents among the major sins in a narration collected by Bukhari, where he asked the companions three times, shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins, and then named associating partners with Allah and undutifulness to parents together, before sitting up from his reclining position to emphasize the seriousness of what followed, which was false speech.

This pairing of undutifulness to parents with shirk, the gravest sin in Islam, shows how seriously the Sunnah treats this matter. It is not framed as merely a social nicety but as a right that Allah has attached to His own right to be worshiped alone.

Shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins? Associating partners with Allah, and undutifulness to parents.

Sahih al-Bukhari 2654 · Sahih

Honouring parents even when they are not Muslim

Asma bint Abi Bakr reported that her mother, who was not yet Muslim, came to visit her during a treaty period, and Asma asked the Prophet whether she should maintain ties with her. The Prophet instructed her to maintain good relations with her mother. This narration, found in Sahih al-Bukhari, establishes that kindness to parents is not conditional on their faith, and that a Muslim is still obligated to treat a non-Muslim parent with respect, financial support if needed, and good company, short of obeying them in matters that contradict Islam.

This distinction matters for many people today who have parents who do not share their level of religious commitment or their faith altogether. The Sunnah is clear that disagreement in belief does not cancel the duty of honour, though it does not require obedience in sin.

What scholars draw from these narrations

Scholars such as al-Nawawi, commenting on these hadith in his commentary on Sahih Muslim, note that birr al-walidayn, dutifulness to parents, includes speech, tone of voice, financial support when needed, and continued care even after death through supplication and charity on their behalf. The Qur'anic instruction in Surah al-Isra not to say to them so much as a word of contempt, and not even to raise one's voice above theirs, is treated by commentators as setting an extremely high bar for tone, not just action.

They also emphasize that this duty does not disappear when parents are difficult, forgetful, or even unkind in old age. The reward described in these narrations is tied precisely to how hard the obedience is, since the Prophet described caring for aging parents as one of the surest paths to Paradise available to an ordinary believer.

Put it into practice this week

1Call or visit your parents this week specifically to ask about their needs, not only to update them on your own life.
2Lower your voice deliberately in conversation with them, even during disagreement, in line with the Qur'anic instruction in Surah al-Isra.
3If a parent has passed away, make du'a for them regularly and give charity on their behalf, since this is described as a continuing form of honour.
4Identify one recurring source of friction with a parent and choose patience over argument the next time it arises.
5If a parent is elderly or unwell, prioritize direct time with them over other voluntary good deeds this month.

Common questions

What if my parents ask me to do something against Islam?: The general principle from the Sunnah is that there is no obedience to any creation in disobedience to the Creator, a statement recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari. This means you should not obey a command that clearly contradicts Islamic teaching, but you must still decline with gentleness and continue to treat them with kindness, support, and respect in every other matter.
Does honouring parents apply if they were absent or harmed me growing up?: Scholars acknowledge this is a genuinely difficult situation and do not require a person to expose themselves to ongoing abuse. However, the general instruction remains to fulfill their basic rights, financial support if needed, respectful speech, and du'a, while setting appropriate boundaries where real harm is involved. Seeking guidance from a knowledgeable local scholar for a specific painful situation is often wise.
Can I still honour a parent who has passed away?: Yes, and the Sunnah gives specific ways to do so: making sincere du'a for them, giving charity on their behalf, maintaining ties with their friends and relatives, and fulfilling any debts or vows they left unresolved. A hadith in Sahih Muslim describes a man asking if there remains any way to honour his parents after their death, and the Prophet listing exactly these actions.
Is kindness to a father weighted the same as kindness to a mother in the hadith?: Both are obligatory, but a well-known narration in Sahih al-Bukhari has the Prophet naming the mother three times before the father when asked who most deserves good companionship, which many scholars take to indicate that a mother's difficulty in pregnancy, birth, and nursing gives her an even greater claim, though the father's right remains firmly established as well.

Sources you can check

Last reviewed: 2026-08-27

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